Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't like you. I'm tired of your antics. My world would be a better place without you.
Every time I'm at a bar at night (on the weekends and in NYC in particular) I run into you. I understand your purpose, to make sure no "funny business" goes on in the bathroom, while making some tips on the side by providing some things to refresh the patrons evening (cologne, mouthwash, gum, etc.) However, to me, your job makes my bathroom experience unpleasant. All I want to do is go to the bathroom, wash my hands, and be out. Your services are not required for any of these activities. I'm a grown boy, I can handle them on my own.
So when you horde the soap and hand towels to personally distribute, you are inhibiting my ability to continue to enjoy my night. Because you hold onto the soap, I have to wait until you can give me soap, and then have to wait for you to give me a paper towel. While those 30 seconds of my time are not really valuable, you're making the process much more difficult than it has to be. It was perfect as it was, no need to complicate. And if you're going to talk on the cell phone while this is going on? Now you're just making me angry.
Got it? Next thing.
Don't ask me for tips when you do nothing. What service did you provide? If I had used your cologne for a couple of sprays, then that's fair. But when all I do is wash my hands, you've got to be joking. I can't take a leak without having to pay someone? Child please man. You can't tell me I owe you some money. The Social Contract (queue George Costanza) says if I use your stuff, I provide you money. I didn't use your goods. While I know everyone is trying to make a buck, you can't beg or demand, especially from a mandatory need like going to the bathroom. Tell me a joke instead, and if I laugh, you'll make a buck. Earn your tip is what I'm saying. And it's not earned by putting soap in my hand, just in case you forgot my earlier paragraph.
Be considerate bro. Some of these bathrooms are not meant for more than 1 person. Your presence overcrowds the bathroom. So either be skinny or put yourself in a place that doesn't block the door/line/path to the stalls. When I come to the bathroom, you are not my main attraction.
I've spent some time trying to justify your occupation, and I'm failing. Unless someone is vomiting/doing drugs/hooking up in the bathroom, it's most likely going to be business as usual in there. Making you obsolete. I have no idea how much any of those three activities happen, probably more than I know, but I'm going to pretend they don't. Therefore you won't be a part of my bathroom experiences. Sorry sir.
Last thing sir, Axe does not count as cologne. Thanks,Kind Regards
-Pat
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