I'm Starting to Panic! (But Not At The Disco!)

It sort of hit me tonight. I say sort of because it wasn't strong enough to change my life, but just to give me more perspective. In a little over two weeks, it's all over. After over 22 years, I will be done with the academic system and sent out into the "real world."

It's scary. It's real. It's coming up too fast. I'm not sure anyone is ever really ready. How do you know you're ready until you do it? That's what happens, you make mistakes and learn from them, or you flourish and keep developing.

I'm a big fan of the loss of innocence metaphor. It's the prime theme of some of the greatest novels of all time. Catcher in the Rye comes to mind. Holden Caulfield is the perfect example. This is the complete loss of innocence. No more living in fantasy land. No more summers where I can screw off and hang out on the beach all day as many days as possible and relax. No more.

It's depressing and exciting at the same time. I've really enjoyed the time I've spent - it's had many highs and many lows. Sometimes I'm not sure I want to give it up. It would be great to be a beach bum and make just enough money to get by but enjoy the time you have. I know people that have done it. I don't think that's what I've spent my time in college to do, so I think it's more of a fantasy "if I lived in an alternate reality" (or a flash sideways *LOST REFERENCE*) situation. It sounds lovely though.

You never know when you're ready to grow up. It just happens. I'm not saying that by graduating I'm growing up. I don't know when exactly it happens. It just does. I don't believe you really transition until you're out for a few years. And I mean really out, not living with your parents or some kind of convoluted program.

I'm not really sure the point of this blog post - this isn't supposed to be my diary. I'm sure that someone reading this can sympathize with me. I really want to enjoy the final 18 some days. I'm hoping I can find the perfect job that still allows me to be myself while learning and growing. I've got a few irons in the fire with job, but not enough. It's a big dive into the deep unknown. Who wants to jump with me?